Thanks and giving

It's been a while since I have posted on my blog. I have been neglecting it and I apologize.
I do believe this past year has been one of the most painful and stressful ones that I have endured in a long time.
I say "endured" because that is exactly what I have done - endured. I have tried to let go and be happy and tried to be happy and let go - and no matter what sequence, I have cried and grieved along the way.
Now, I am ready to move forward.
Funny how I often think I am ready for something to change in my life and then when the change actually begins, I try to stop it - rationalize it - cajole it to wait, etc. But this year has been the year I have learned for a fact: CHANGE IS INEVITABLE.
I do realize that we get what we ask for - in one way or another - so I am being more and more careful about what I ask for, even what I think I want to ask for. Specifics - the Universe works in specifics. Words are so very powerful so I have to be careful of what words I choose to use in prayer. And I have learned to LISTEN more intently, especially to my son. He sometimes knows more about what I need than I do.
I am so very grateful this season of giving thanks. Although this has been a rough year, I have so many things and people to be grateful for and to. Many of whom read this blog, have bought my books, and have had readings with me, or come to my workshops/and/or spirit speaking gatherings. Thank you, everyone.
Stay strong, stay focused on growing spiritually, and stay posted.... more to come!
And as you give thanks this season, don't forget to give yourself a big "THANK YOU!" for hanging in there, because no doubt, you have had an enduring year as well.

Energy Never Ends

On Being A Medium

I become a conduit for spirits

I snake out snake stretch
crawl into memories
touch others in places not seen, then recoil
bring out quivers of confusion
shoot arrows of recognition

mix metaphors of wishes with similes of life
wander boundlessly
plains of journeys traveled for millenniums
milieus of spirits past, present, to come

I direct through direction
make tears fall
shudder out truths, propose
release madness inside a covered shell of shame

Different eyes stare around mine
spiritual mouths employ me
to scold, renew, guide, scorch, forgive, tingle, love, and
mingle with words that don’t remember being said
I become a conduit for spirits

And lives mesh through eternities

MariJo Moore ©October 2010

Echo Endings

Echo Endings

I sit and listen
I sit and cry
A bee buzzes by, suddenly gone
Leaving a silence
Much like the silence when an echo ends

My attention is turned to the crows, circling the trees,
Carrying on in traditional crow fashion
Loud, invasive, important
They fly away
Leaving a silence
Much like the silence when an echo ends

Night approaches

Cicadas, tree frogs, crickets
Mix their expressions, intentionally, exponentially
A bat streams around a light post
Joins the chanting
With a silence
Much like the silence when an echo ends


“I have to accept!
I have to move forward!
I have to trust the process!”
I scream into the mountains
My words sound an echo

I stop crying
And pray in silence
When the echo ends



MariJo Moore © September 21, 2010

Birthday, Full Moon, Healing, Hawk

Today is my birthday. I am 58. There is a full moon.
This morning, when I looked outside my kitchen window, I saw a small hawk sitting on a post in my yard. I watched as it flew to a tree; I walked out on the deck and sang it a spirit song. It watched me until I had finished the song, then flew away.

Last night I couldn't sleep. I am healing nicely from my surgery (last Wed.) and have been resting well until last night. So many thoughts going through my mind.


I am so grateful for all the healing prayers and well wishes so many of you have sent to me.
I feel the prayers; I feel the energy; I feel the love.

So wonderful to be able to feel all of these.

Signs of Change

This morning I can feel a bit of autumn in the air. A few leaves are already turning to glorious colors, and the crows are singing happily about the cooler weather.

This Wednesday I will go to St. Joseph's Hospital in Asheville for my surgery.
This day will also be the date of 24 years of sobriety for me.
Nothing happens by accident.

I will be letting go, literally, of memories that have served me well, but no longer need.
Memories of shame, abuse, guilt, fear, and even misplaced love and desire.

I trust my doctor, I trust my family and friends to pray for a speedy recovery, and I trust my path.

Last night I dreamed of snakes.
Transformation.... shedding old skins....life renewing itself.

Making Progress

I feel like I am somehow making progress in my life.
I have scheduled a surgery that I have been putting off for a long time.
I have tried and failed to understand all that is going on in my life, and so now I am just letting go of the things I cannot change.
I have adjusted my diet to not include so much gluten and have finally accepted the fact that I am growing older and that life is to be enjoyed more than understood.
Things that used to mean so much no longer do, and more and more I am realizing that the more I try to understand how my gift of being a pyschic/medium works, the more I have to accept that it is all energy and not for me to know.
A gift - but oh such a responsibility. I have to keep reminding others that I am the vessel, not the source of the information.
I am seeing the outcome of all the spiritual work I have done with others this past year and a half - with readings and workshops and gatherings and I am so happy to have been a part of all of these.
Again, I am the vessel, not the source.
We have to all do our part... we have to all believe in ourselves...and believe that what we do in the world touches so many others...

Thank you to all of you who believe in spiritual ancestors, Spiritual guidance, and the freedom to believe as you choose.

Monday

So many thoughts running inside my mind this morning.
Up early to take litte Hercules (my fox terrier) for a walk in my litte sanctuary here in Candler. How much longer will I be here to do this, I wonder. Soon, this house and land will belong to someone else. I pray that this person, or persons, will understand how much love and care I have put into this house and acerage for the past nine years.
Will appreciate the deer, the red foxes, the wild turkeys, the crows, ravens, pilated woodpeckers, butterflies, hummingbirds, bats, etc., who have spent time with me here.
So much ceremony has gone into this land; so many wonderful spiritual workshops, readings, gatherings have happened here in this lovely house. And now, I am being asked to move forward.
Where? I don't know for sure yet and this causes a stir in my fear mode. I do trust but I am a woman who wants to know things - and as soon as I type this, I am reminded that timing is everything.

This past weekend has been a weekend of work: staining the deck, clearing out old papers, packing, learning to walk through an empty house. July 4 was also the birthday of my first son, Dustan Paul, who passed to Spirit at the age of 8 months. So long ago but still so fresh in my mind.

I am being told over and over to be grateful. And I am. Being grateful doesn't take away memories, but it does put me back into the moment.

Life goes on and so do I...trusting the unknown until timing reveals the next phase of my journey.

Hanging

Full moon .... of course the moon is always full, but we know that, don't we?

If you will look closely, you might see the imprint of my fingernails alongside the dark side of the full moon.
Yes, I've been hanging on lately by my fingernails. Hanging on the what I know to be constant: the moon, the sun, the stars - even though many of those I see in the summer night sky have burned out long ago with their light just now getting to my vision.

Life has been ... well, life has been life lately.
I've sold most of my belongings, cleaned out so much stuff that a feng shui master would blush, and now I am finally getting to the point of letting my house go.

I've learned so much about my emotional state during all of this:
how I tend to overlook the obvious and concentrate only on the so called "distraction" of a situation.
Yes, I am talking about relationships.

Funny how you hear something over and over and then one day, or one night, or one instant, it SINKS into your soul and you GET IT! You actually GET IT!

I'm too old to be repeating childhood patterns when it comes to relationships, but repeat childhood patterns I do.
But I have realized something very deeply: it doesn't have to go on the way it has been.
I do know there is no such thing as a perfect friendship, relationship, etc.
But I do also know (and now I know this to the bone) that there are always signs that we often choose to ignore.
For instance, if a "friend" is always talking about herself or himself, where does that leave you and your concerns?
Or, if a new person in your life shows the qualities of someone who has hurt you deeply before, GET THE HELL AWAY IMMEDIATELY!

Signs are signs and are always there. Now, I intend to read them for what they are.

She Trembles (a prophecy)

SHE TREMBLES

She trembles and the trees growl.
Catacombed mystery-lined innards
daring machinery to bite at her memories.
You shall be punished for this!

She trembles and the oceans roll
with wet-tasting morsels sweetened
with thick oily poisons.
Leave her be!

You've marked her eyes
torn her flesh, ate her intentions
and streaked her thighs.
It's not only too late - it's too demanding.

Scattering her memories once honored
now disgraced by progress.
Milking her breasts with pumps of steel
smearing her face with hardening make-up

building mounting erecting her belly
with toys she will someday destroy.
You silly foolish ones
who desire to capture the future in signs.

There is no future for you
save retribution and in-kind contributions
from those you represent.
She trembles and we all fall down.

MariJo Moore ©1997

From a poem by T. S. Eliot (East Coker)

I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope
For hope would be hope for the wrong thing;
wait without love,
For love would be love of the wrong thing;
there is yet faith and the love and the hope
are all in the waiting.

Letting Go and Acceptance

It's been a while since I put up a new posting, but I have known what I needed to write about for weeks now.


Letting Go: When I think I am letting go of a situation, I find myself trying to make deals with Spirit.
For example: I will let go of my house and put it on the market for sale if you will see that this happens first... that I get to decide who buys the house and land..... etc.
This is just my way of stalling - of not trusting. How can I let go of something that was never mine to begin with? I have only been the caretaker of this house and land as a gift from Spirit. Now, it is time to move on.

Acceptance: When I finally stop putting conditions on my "letting go" and realize that whatever is coming for me is exactly what I need to continue on my spiritual path; when I stop whining and pleading and trying to figure out WHY AND WHY NOW ..... when I finally realize that I am being taken care of on a daily basis and that all my needs are met on a daily basis, then I know true acceptance of a situation.

Funny, isn't it - how we try and try to control others, to manipulate situations, to trick Spirit into giving us what we think we want. When all along all we have to do is surrender to the knowledge that our lives are intertwined with others - that we are just a bit of a major plan - that everyone has to be in his or her place for exact timing to become reality - then we can know complete (albeit fleeting) acceptance of our lives.

Letting go is a constant struggle.
Acceptance is a process.

New poem

Tree Split By Lightning

Fire quietly speaking
telling tales, memories and dreams yet to come:
Dried blood, laughing owls
shadowed faces, softening rocks.

Simultaneous deaths radiating new lives all inside this tree.
Inside ashen colored mystical galleries of trees
this tree, this fortunate, very fortunate tree
emits reasoning to all the world…



MariJo Moore © May 2, 2010

Rainy Tuesday

Remember that old song by the Moody Blues "Tuesday Afternoon"?
It keeps creeping into my mind today as I struggle to make sense of my life.
I remember how it used to be enough just to sit and listen to music and allow my mind to wander to old lovers, wonderful places and new ideas. Today, I need more.

I am a woman of words.. no doubt... but lately when speaking with a close friend my words seem to come out in a manner I didn't intend. They seem to come from a place of fear, indecision, regret.

I hate being vulnerable. I hate it.
I hate having to allow someone to see my weakness, my pain, my fears.

But I know this is where I am now and obviously where I need to be: melting into softness.

I close today's ramblings with the following quote from Rumi, a Sufi poet who lived hundreds of years ago and whose words still bring comfort to me today:

"Those who love words must use them to get to God.
Words flirt. They tease and imitate and come close, but they are not the experience they point to.
Silence, friendship, and perhaps music, live nearer the reality."

Forgiveness

Today I am thinking of forgiveness.

I am thinking of the reading I did for a woman in VA yesterday. Of how her son, who had been murdered, came through and wanted her to tell everyone to forgive the murderer.
I am thinking of how my daddy's spirit came to me Sunday while I was holding one granddaughter in my lap and watching the other being baptized.
How he came and said just three words, "Please forgive me."
He never said anything of that sort in his life. I think now his spirit is healing. And how I answered him, "I'm trying."
Thinking of how I need to write an essay on forgiveness.
How when we don't forgive others, it eats away at our serenity; how it holds us back from truly enjoying life.

I also want to share a conversation that I had this morning with a good friend of mine on this very subject:

He: I know that for me I have to find peace with myself before I could ever think about forgiving someone.
Me: What do you mean you have to find peace with yourself before you could ever forgive someone?
He: Well, it’s a matter of forgiving myself first and then when I do forgive someone it’s done and over, not to be talked of again or used, like to throw it in someone's face during an argument or something of that nature. Forgiving is forgetting, just letting it go.
Me: But why do you have to forgive yourself first if someone hurts you or lies to you, etc. What is your part in it?
He: I know that may sound kinda weird but I am just that way in some cases. I realize that I may have done nothing wrong but it’s just me.
Me: Are you forgiving yourself for holding a grudge, for feeling anger, for having expectations?
He: Yes, maybe all of that, and then I try and think of the way they may feel and the fact that sometimes it’s hard to ask for forgiveness. And I try to understand that.

Smart friend, eh? Really makes me rethink forgiveness.

Yesterday

was a day of love, beauty, fun and gratefulness for me.
I attended church with my son and his family. They go to Biltmore Baptist Church and have been inviting me to go for weeks. Well, being the so called hedonist pagan Indian that I am, of course I chose to go on Easter. Isn't that when everyone goes?
Anyway, I must admit I was pleased with the visit. The pastor is young and vibrant and intent upon sharing God not religion. I can see why my son is drawn there.
As I sat next to him, I could feel that he had been wanting me to visit this service with him not to try and get me "saved" but to allow me to see what he has found: a deeper imprint on his path.
I felt his love for me and I felt his love for his family. I even sang Amazing Grace with the congregration.

Afterwards we ate lunch with my daughter-in-law's family and then partipated in the annual Easter Egg Hunt.

I felt happy; I felt loved; I felt accepted.

The three things that matter most to me in this life.

I love being a mother. I love being a Nana. I love my family.

Bragging A Bit

In the April 2010 issue of Western North Carolina Woman, there is a great (I think) article about me and my work written by Cheri Jones. I am flattered and grateful for this!

You can pick up a free copy if you live in WNC, or you can go to their website wnc-woman.com/ and scroll down till you see the article.


And today, the sun is shining!!!!!

new poem

Another Fire Blazing Hot With Memories


Memories I am burning
memories I no longer need to keep.

I thought I would sift through their lingering ashes some day
I know I won’t
I know I don’t need them
really, I never did.

Memories of moments I never quite processed
ideas I never let go of
people I wanted to love but couldn’t
people who wanted to love me and somehow managed to do so.


The fire is dramatic and sad and refreshing
all at the same time
I am growing emotionally
one blue flame at a time.

Memories I am burning
Memories I no longer need to keep.

Life journeys on…


MariJo Moore © March 30, 2010

Today

the sun is shining and I am feeling like I need a reprieve from life but I just keep on keeping on....

life on life's terms..... something I heard a long time ago in AA meetings...
something that still rings true....

Spirituality Is Paying Attention

Last night I was dealing with the fact that I needed to let go of anger and resentment toward myself concerning how I have given so much money to those I thought were in need, instead of being more concerned for my own financial future.
I don't only mean family, I mean friends or people I have come in contact with.
Money that was given freely, or loaned and never paid back.

I needed to forgive myself for what I thought was the cause of why I am now going through certain circumstances.

While giving a reading to a client this morning, he said "I don't know why I feel like I have given and given and now I need help and no one is giving to me. I think giving too much and helping others too much is a weakness I have." He was then told by the spirit of his grandfather, "That is part of your nature. That is what makes you who you are. Forgive yourself and know that whatever you have given has been and will be forever given back to you."

Not only did he hear what he needed to hear, I heard what I needed to hear just by following my path and doing what I am called to do.

I have given and given and I will always receive what I need, but not always from those I have given to. If I truly believe that giving is a circle, like everything else in life, then I have to believe that those who were helped by money I gave them have helped or will help others in return.

So now, I don't see myself as one who has to loan or give in order for people to "like or accept" me.
I see myself as one who has learned another great lesson by paying attention.

What goes around comes around....

Spiritual Balance

Today is just like any other day other than it is not....

Make sense? Of course not, but not much is making sense these days.

Life is going on... bending, trying to back up but knowing it must go forward, shaping itself into what is meant to be while we wait around for... for what?
New love, new clothes, new house, new money, new health....

There is nothing new that comes without releasing something old....

We are born inside the circle
We live inside the circle
We die inside the circle
No way to step outside or over ....


Rremember, if you are feeling down today, you will feel up soon.
And vice versa.

This is life.
This is living.
This is the way of spiritual balance.

Wilma Mankiller

“When people cease waiting for great leaders or prophets to solve entrenched problems and look, instead, within themselves, trusting their own thinking, believing in their own power, and to their families and communities for solutions, change will follow. In traditional indigenous communities, there is an understanding that our lives play themselves out within a set of reciprocal relationships. If each human being in the world could fully understand that we all are interdependent and responsible for one another, it would save the world.” —Wilma Mankiller



Holding Wilma in the light.

> It is with a sad heart that I am passing on this information which I
> just read on the webpage of Indian Country Today: Wilma Mankiller has
> stage IV pancreatic cancer. Life in this stage is from 3 to 6 months
> although some people have lived longer.
> Many will know Ms. Mankiller as the past Chief of the Cherokee Nation
> of
> Oklahoma. Indians throughout the Continent will be impacted by this
> event.
>
> Go to Indian Country Today's website for more information.

Past Life Workshop (February 21, 2010)

Yesterday I held, for the first time, a Past Life Workshop. I must admit it took a lot of preparation, and I was a bit nervous. However, the day went exceptionally well!
I had prepared artwork for each of the participants and asked them to sit with the artwork and see where it would lead their intuition. Then I did a 12 minute private reading for each one. Afterwards, we talked about how each one could relate what had happened in that life to what is going on in their lives today. The results were astonishing.

I want to thank each of you who attended and to let everyone know I am planning my Second Past Life Workshop for Saturday, April 17th.
Anyone interested can get the info on my website.

My head is still reeling and I am very tired, but I am so pleased with yesterday's results.

Two Poems for The Wind

LIVING BENEATH THE WIND - MariJo Moore

There are silences and there are silences.
Some that are pertinent to life
some rewarding in the mere
effort of observing them.

The sweet silence of a child's smile
the majestic silence of an eagle in flight
the deadly silence before the click of a gun
the destitute silence of eyes in old photographs.

The bitter silence of an unmarked grave
the murky silence of a still muddy lake
the angry silence of one who cannot fight back
the unaided silence of one's last breath.

There is also the silence that lives
beneath the wind.
A soundless sound which sometimes goes
awry and awakens a power that uproots
old trees and urges snowflakes into blizzards.

There is something extraordinary in this silence
something so fierce and creative
it is somehow inviting.
If ever this silence comes knocking at your door
listen closely with your heart.......
it has much to reveal.
© 1997 from Spirit Voices of Bones

OBSERVATION - MariJo Moore

The wind is a wild, wild woman
who knocks at the doors
of imposters
and screams inside
their brains.
© 2005 from Confessions of a Madwoman

Poem for the snow

INTERIM

Come visit me
Spirit of Solitude
for today
there is snow
softly and pleasantly falling
filling the woods with a quality

of freshness and renewal.
No work today
only time
gentle time
spent alone with all of creation
and time

gentle time
always comes with
an essence of healing.
Come visit me
Spirit of Solitude
warm yourself at my fire

for today
there is snow
softly and pleasantly falling
in gentle time
with an essence of healing.
Come...

© MariJo Moore

This past weekend's workshop

Thanks to all of you who attended... we had some new attendees this time!

Animals can teach us so much about ourselves and we need to learn all we can about ourselves during this time.

Stay strong!

Looking forward to our Spirit Speaking Gathering next Sunday.

Glorious weather today.... so nice to be able to stand in the sun and not shiver....

Random thoughts...

I look outside my windows and see the bright sunshine and then I step outside on the porch and the coldness sucks my breath away...
Life is so full of ambiguity...

I was without power for four days and without furnace heat for ten days and I was so very cold but determined to get through the time and I was more creative than I have been in a month or so...

My new book has finally arrived and due to weather conditions, I had to cancel my first reading/signing for tonight in downtown Asheville..
but the book is beautiful and I am so pleased with it...